Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
zippers are such a cool invention
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I lost the right to judge tonight
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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