I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
