I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
