tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize