we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
