she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
