A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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