Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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