I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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