Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
