just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
