8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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