two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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