i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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