Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
