The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
