Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
