Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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