a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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