I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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