How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I believe in your delicious
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
