so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
