YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
