He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
