at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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