HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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