I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
