Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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