Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
