So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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