1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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