College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
