I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
