apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
