you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Enjoy the penises
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
