I hate your face
Can i not drive my cunt home
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize