I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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