Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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