so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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