just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
