You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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