tell your sister to shave her snatch
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
