I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Are we still banned from the library?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
