I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
