i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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