My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
