Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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