he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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