AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
