My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Randomize
