bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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