Need sex. Gaining weight.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
