This girl is more easily done than said...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dignity is for republicans.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
