lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I wear drunk well.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
