You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
birth control should be required to get into college
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
