omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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