Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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