he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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