I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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