Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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