I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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