It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
