it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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