Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
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