Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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