Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize