Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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