if you like me you must not know who I am
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize