I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize