No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
