Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
