No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
