I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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