my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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